I had to saw off my mother’s toilet seat this morning before I could fit the one I bought her for Christmas. I then had to go to the shops to buy her hearing aid batteries, before setting off for the long journey home. I am knackered.

I have spent the last week going in pubs and leaving without buying. The latest was the Betjeman Arms today. It always smells of cooking, and today was like a kebab shop, and I did not recognise any of the staff. I went to McGlynn’s Bar instead and had a lovely pint of Brains. If you have more than 30 minutes to wait at Kings Cross or St Pancres it is well worth seeking out.

A few days ago I present the madest of my mother’s Polish careworkers with a frozen pigs trotter. She squealled with delight and gave me a big, smacking kiss. Very nice it was to.

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